Ketchup: the Wonder Condiment

My house is a good example of how ketchup works, socially. I use ketchup on fries and maybe a hot dog and that's about it. My wife, on the other hand, has to back in a tanker trunk to dump ketchup on her food. Then comes the air drop for the salt...

What most people don't know, though, is that ketchup is a wonder food. In the same way Coca-Cola is. Not because it's particularly healthy, but because of how useful the stuff can be. Really.

Here's what's in ketchup, usually: tomato concentrate, sweetener (usually corn syrup), vinegar, salt, and maybe some spice like celery extract or oregano. Other things like garlic, cloves, onion, and other spices can also be in there. The "good" ketchup will sans the corn syrup and include some sweeter spices instead.

What's in it is key to knowing what you can do with the stuff. Nearly all of this stuff is acidic. Not like "Rise of the Zombie Hordes" acid, but the "reacts with a base to make nifty science project volcanoes" acid.

It's mild enough that it won't hurt you at all, but strong enough to do some amazing stuff. Lemme show you.

Got Dogs or Kids?
Then you've probably experienced (or will likely experience) the wonder that is skunk perfume. You know, the stuff that those otherwise extremely cute little animals spray all over threats (i.e. your dog and curious kids) to protect themselves?

That doesn't wash out with dish soap and shampoo. Guess what? Yep, ketchup will wash it out. Just rub it in and rinse. Repeat at least once.

Polish
You can polish and clean all kinds of metal stuff using ketchup. It does wonders for brass, won't hurt non-stick coatings, and even works on silver too. In fact, your metal dish pans with those "permanent" burns on their bottoms can be polished back to new with ketchup and a simple scrub brush. Ad some table salt as abrasive.

It polishes lots of other stuff too. Door knobs, chrome auto and motorcycle bits, and lots more can be polished up with ketchup. Try it!

First Aid for Hair
Ketchup is a natural cleanser, as shown already. A lot of people use strange chemicals to clean, "revitalize" and whatever their hair. Did you know that you can revitalize your hair naturally with ketchup? Yep, use it like shampoo and you'll strip all of the gunk off your hair that's been building up. Without hurting your hair.

In fact, a regimen of using ketchup to clean your hair followed by an oat-based re-builder (like beer), can give you the healthiest hair on the block. Someone once told me that ketchup also prevents male pattern baldness. I'm not gonna promise anything on that.

Summing Up
So there ya go. Ketchup is awesome stuff. I've been told that if you eat a spoonful of organic ketchup a day, you'll also fix a lot of other problems, like: erectile dysfunction, age spots, stained teeth, bad breath, smelly feet, and more.

OK, I made that last list up. Still, ketchup is great stuff. Highly useful and cheap, so buy it in the five gallon Sam's Club buckets and use it!